Abilene - After last week's "Man, my pants are getting looser" debacle (see previous article), Mark Rogers has bounced back with a vengeance to score major points with his 15.5-week pregnant wife, Jenn.
Last night the couple had a discussion about whether or not Mark was concerned that Jenn was getting "fat" (a seemingly absurd discussion in Mark's eyes since all pregnant women add square footage).
He tried to explain that getting irritated at a pregnant woman's weight gain was like being mad at a buzzard for eating dead, rotting animals. Or trying to talk Brad Rogers out of jumping off the top of a building to prove he can fly. Or your gun jamming the moment a rhino attacks. It is perfectly natural and expected.
Jenn just stared at him with a dazed look and went back to watching "The Real Housewives of Orange County" while quietly crying as Mark went peacefully to sleep.
However, a late afternoon elightenment alerted Mark to the fact that maybe he hadn't communicated in the most effective and direct way. So he wrote the following to Jenn in an email:
"You're unbelievably beautiful...pregnant or not,
Skinny or fat, happy or sad,
Pale or sunburned, cool or a nerd,
Short hair or long, makeup or none,
Awake or asleep, from your hair to your feet,
At work or at play, nighttime or day,
Always to me, beautiful you will be."
It is yet to be determined if Jenn liked the poem or was offended by the use of the word "fat" in the second line.
Mark and Jenn are two weeks away from their next OB appointment and five weeks away from knowing which color paint to buy for the nursery.
Overall on the "Husband with a Pregnant-Wife" scoreboard, Mark made up some ground with his lyrical genius but is still in the red at -4,504 points.
He will attempt a 100 point increase tonight with a successful and event-free date night.
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As long as you can keep it under 5,000 points in the negative, you have a chance of breaking even when the baby comes out and you say...Aw..honey...he/she looks just like you. If she hasn't ripped your snarklies off by then, you have a fighting chance at attempting another baby. ulr
ReplyDeleteHi guys...
ReplyDeleteJenn here. Loved the poem...of course I cried and snorted while I was reading it. The snort added to one of my many "very classy lady" traits these days. Anyway...I'm sure many of you who are or once were pregnant can understand a psycho pregnant chick moment here and there. Okay okay so I've been like that for the past 15 weeks, but what can I say HE DID THIS TO ME! Ha.
Mark... figure it out. no more talking. the poem was a good try though. pretty close there... pretty close.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful poem! Just remember...for the next several months there isn't much you can say that will be right. :)
ReplyDelete~Lisa
Ok love the blog! Mark of course keeps us all laughing or wondering what in the heck his is thinking! Jenn you look adorable pregnant! Can't wait to find out what the baby is! Love the names! Miss you guys!
ReplyDeletehere is what got me through those countless conversations..."Lindsay, you are not fat you are pregnant"
ReplyDeleteMark,
ReplyDeleteJust as a precaution to the hormonal outbursts, begin every sentence or request with, "Hey Beautiful, Wonderful, and Extremely Talented Wife....." Then go buy some thoughtful trinkets to keep in a secret place and bestow them on my precious daughter if even the hint of unhappiness should arise. I suggest gift cards, jewelry, and candles. Also an occasional bouquet of flowers would be warmly received. (Restrict articles of clothing to hats, gloves, shoes, or socks.) Remember....smile, nod, and keep her happy.